|Dutch subtitles Starcrash||2 years ago|
|Serbian subtitles Starcrash||2 years ago|
|Brazilian Portuguese subtitles Starcrash||2 years ago|
Hilarious Italian sci fi insanity!
10/10 This movie is completely insane. The plot makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, which is pretty much par for the course with Italian knock-offs like this. The special effects are colorful and eye-popping, the sets designed by some wonderful nut with an eye for that crazy psychedelic-art-deco-cocaine-disco-Flash-Gordon look that Italians do so well. The actors are completely at a loss as to how to act/react to the film they are in and... I loved it.2 years ago
What else can one say about a film where the best performance is delivered by....David Hasselhoff. Scary but true. Not even the usually mesmerizing Marjo Gortner can do anything with the logic-defying lines of dialog he is forced to utter. After 10 minutes I was laughing so hard I knew I'd found something unique.
I rarely venture down the road of "so cheesy it is good" movies but STARCRASH is mind-boggling in its cheesiness. Characters can tell the future but won't let anyone in on what is going to happen because "You would have attempted to change the future...which is against the law." A depressed and hung-over-looking Christopher Plummer states at one point, "I wouldn't be the Emerperor of the Universe if I didn't have a few talents. Now, Imperial Spaceship--halt the flow of time!" (not bad, eh?)
Joe Spinell, dressed like a dime-store Satan and dubbed by a man who sounds dangerously constipated, declares at one point, "By sundown I will be the most powerful man in the universe!" And you sit there and think, Sundown? You're in outer space, dude!There are many such hilarious lines.
I could go on and on: There are jerky stop-motion monsters, psychedelic blobs of light that attack people for no explainable reason,Robert Tessier painted green, a robot who begins the film speaking normally and then about 15 minutes in starts talking in a southern accent,Christmas tree lights masquerading as stars, a weapon called The Doom Machine and a central non-performance from the ravishingly lovely but blank Caroline Munro, she of the stilted delivery and mis-matched eye-lines. But man,oh man can she rock a series of outfits that would make Barbarella envious or what? Gorgeous woman.
So, if you are looking for a rousing sci fi adventure with narrative coherence, decent special effects,and good acting, watch Star Wars; but if you're in the mood for an incomprehensible but colorful mish-mash of Ray Harryhausen movies, old Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers serials, Doc Savage, Perry Rhodan, and just about everything else up to and including the kitchen sink, watch STARCRASH. You certainly won't forget it soon. Did I mention the leaping cavemen?...
5/10 This cheap "Star Wars" ripoff presents some of the worst and most ridiculous special effects ever made. It also delivers dumb dialogue that will make you laugh yourself into the next dimension. And, above all, the cast includes Marjoe Gortner, Caroline Munro (wearing a bikini on every planet), David Hasselhoff, Christopher Plummer and the great late Joe Spinell. Everybody is outrageously overacting (except for Plummer, who is outrageously underacting). But the movie never becomes boring, there is always happening something more or less stupid, so you'll always be entertained. "Starcrash" is a real party tape that can be enjoyed best with mates and enough beer, chips and popcorn. Don't miss this utterly cheesy movie: It's so dumb that you have to love it!2 years ago
8/10 It's awful all right - in a hilarious way! This movie is awful in almost every category - special effects, sound, costumes, set, acting and the script - but if you like good cheese, if you can embrace the spirit of Ed Wood and others like him, then you'll LOVE this campy sci-fi disaster. Marjoe Gortner gives one of the truly worst performances I have evr seen - he either is phoning it in or over-acting like crazy - I swear, watch in the beginning - he almost doesnt blink for over ten minutes. Creepy. And for all of those who saw this movie as young lads - I can see why Ms. Munro wouldmake such an impression on you. Woo-wee!! That is some hot leather space bikini they have her in. She was gorgeous and all but my god, some of the "fight" scenes she's in are unintentionally hilarious. Good silly fun!!!2 years ago
I had a Seizure watching this film!
5/10 Well, almost...2 years ago
When I first saw this film, back in 1979, my wife & I were 2 of 5 people in the theater at 7:00 on a Friday night. We were about to walk out when Carolyn Munro was sentenced to mine Radium in a bikini for the rest of her natural life. At that point, there was no way to get me out of there.
The remarkable thing about this movie is that every time you think "that is the most ridiculous plot device ever..." something else comes along that blows your socks off. About mid way thru I could not quit laughing. For instance, our heroine sets a ship on collision course with the Evil Count's space fortress. To save herself, at the last second before the catacylismic collision, SHE JUMPS OUT OF THE WINDOW! And then does the BREAST STROKE! through OUTER SPACE! Oh My God! I can't stop laughing!
Bottom Line, this movie is WAY funnier than many that TRY to be funny (Spaceballs, Ice Pirates, etc.)
Some Kind of a Masterpiece
9/10 Take Caroline Munro. Put her in a leather space bikini with matching boots, give her a ridiculous looking laser gun, have someone get some oil on her chest and we are talking entertainment. Now, add a plot that is reminiscent of Star Wars, right down to having android or helmeted characters who's faces we never see, inject some heroics and derring-do, paste on a very cinematic sounding musical score by James Bond alumnus John Barry and presto! you have a movie.2 years ago
It all starts with Ms. Munro and that leather bikini though, make no mistake about it. This movie is a stupid, kitschy, clunky, dated, addle-brained and witless Star Wars ripoff that might be one of the best science fiction movies ever made. All that is required for anyone to appreciate it is a familiarity with science fiction, an appreciation for female breasts and a sense of humor. If you can't manage to scrape that up skip this one and maybe rent a documentary on Stalingrad. If you can, seek it out immediately. This is what those Alfonse Brescia movies were like, except it's story actually makes sense.
Some folks would refer to this as a "camp classic": NO. Camp is done as a parody or for laughs, like Monty Python having the Royal Scotts Guard do a Burt Bacharach production number. This is KITSCH, like Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody", a Kit Kat clock and those salt shakers made to look like Tiki Torches. Or a ceramic plate featuring designs with corn cobs, meant to only be used when you eat corn on the cob. Kitsch can certainly have a sense of humor about itself but it has to be played straight, like "WKRP In Cincinatti" -- if you play it for laughs then you are making "Mork and Mindy".
I will leave it to others to describe the plot. STAR CRASH is about the whole idea of merging a Star Wars type adventure with genre film elements that border on exploitation, and thankfully they found a willing participant in Ms. Munro, who's presence is the real reason to bother seeking this out. The klutzy 80's science fiction design is also a marvel to behold & there isn't a dull moment to be had. I agree with the other comments who pointed out that this movie has fifteen times the imagination, soul and humanity of the three most recent Star Wars films put together. Some touches of inappropriately graphic violence and risque content only add to the forbidden fruit factor that this movie has going for it: Without any redeeming social consciousness factors it is essentially an extended guilty pleasure piece, and what with the world coming to an end & all, heck I don't see anything wrong with that. We need more fun in the world and if nothing else, STAR CRASH is *FUN*.
Some of the special effects are actually quite impressive (especially if you can find the widescreen version shown on a French DVD release which does have the uncensored 93m. English print), or at least are evocative of the Ray Harryhousen adventures that this movie seems to be patterned after. I admire the film's reckless energy, it's devotion to wanting to see if they could make it taking priority over whether or not what they ended up with might look stupid. Try this on a double bill with Aldo Lada's equally outrageous THE HUMANOID with Richard "Jaws" Keil. You may laugh yourself into fits but you certainly won't be bored, and fetishists will have a field day taking screenshots of Ms. Monroe's various camera angles for their own private digital slide show to enjoy without the bother of even watching the film. Like a Spaghetti Western this is a collection of moments. The majority of them pay off and in the end STAR CRASH emerges as a superior example of Italian Spaghetti Sci Fi as well as a relic of a bygone era that will hopefully never be revisited.
9/10: Another movie that should be loaded onto a space probe and fired in the direction of a nearby solar cluster to show other possible worlds the best & worst of what humanity had to offer. And that our women are hotter than their women.